one step at a time

There are going to be many more moments like this in our lives. Milestones. Stepping stones. Moments of pride.  On Tuesday, I embraced & cherished taking my daughter Ryan to her fist day of Junior Kindergarten.  It is a time in her life where she gets to exert her independence. It's a time in my life where I learn to let go - 

just a little bit.  

Taking Ryan to her first day of school was particularly momentous for my husband and me.  For several months now, we have been working with a wonderful woman at Pathways* to help us & Ryan deal with her feelings and her anxieties.  More recently, we have been working towards making her feel comfortable going to school.  Not for the reasons one would think. Although it's actually quite common for kids to experience anxiety when it comes to starting school: Fear of not liking the teacher. Scared of not making any friends. Worried about being away from their mom and dad.  For Ryan, she wasn't worried about any of those things!  Her anxiety stemmed from the daycare that is attached to the school.  The daycare that she attended. The daycare that she once LOVED turned into a place she now FEARS. 

During "walk-through's" of the school, Ryan would cry and scream and say that she was scared anytime we were close to any area that reminded her of the daycare.  There are times when I have left our sessions with Pathways crying.  What could have happened to make my daughter shake when she nears the building.  Unfortunately we will never know. And since Ryan is under the umbrella of the highly sensitive child, there is the possibility that something or someone scared her, the situation was never resolved, and it has now created something bigger in her mind.

So, on Tuesday morning, just as we are about to enter the JK playground, Ryan started to scream and pulled back refusing to go in. Calmly, I knelt down to talk to her. I reassured her that everything was going to be fine. That she was in fact going to school, into the classroom that we had visited several times, not to the daycare. [Just so you understand completely, the daycare and the JK class use the same playground at the school, and in the middle are the steps that lead up to the daycare doors. Off to the left are the doors that Ryan will now go through to go into her school and into her classroom.]  She composed herself and holding my hand, she walked through the gate into the playground.  Ryan looked all around - as if looking at the area all over again for the first time. But she kept an eye on the door that leads to the daycare.  Not too long after we arrived, Ryan's teacher came out to greet everyone. She immediately came over to Ryan to welcome her and took Ryan's hand to lead her and her classmates in.   Ryan followed without looking back. 

At the end of her first day, Ryan was back outside in the playground, playing, laughing and talking with her new friends from school. When she spotted me, she came running over to me to tell me all about her day. Success! 

Hand-in-hand, we walked back home. Both of us beaming with pride.     

*Pathways is a Children's Mental Health Agency that provides a range of services to children, youth and families.